A week ago, I went to a dinner at my friend's house. He runs a poker league, so after some delicious food (he claims I consumed a pound of meat) and some American Idol time (don't judge), we went over to a bar where the league was in full force. Except for my buddy, the rest of our group, me included, knew little about poker. So, we just sat around, had some beers, and played the "Bullshit" card game. It was the perfect moment, and it led me to reflect on some other good memories I have that involve card decks.
1. When I was in elementary school, I saw a TV commercial that featured a parrot flying up to a house of playing cards. The parrot then grabbed one card with his claw, which sent the card house shattering in all directions. I became obsessed with replicating the parrot's moment of glory, and thus, for days (weeks perhaps?), I built card houses. I built and built, and I was frustrated and angry and bent the cards that were not bending to my will. Eventually, though, I was successful, and I managed to build a card house out of a full deck. I then yanked one card and had my victory. I remembered this story last week while playing "Bullshit" and told it to a friend.
2. When I was a kid, I spent some summers in Yalta, Ukraine with my Grandma. We stayed with her life-long best friend, who has a grandson. He's a year younger than me, and when we were little, we would spend hours on the beach by the Black Sea, playing "War," that never-ending card game. A gold, sun-filled moment of childhood.
3. My mother once decided to draw an entire Tarot card deck by hand. I remember that she spent hours in our kitchen, occupied with the task, markers at hand. I can't remember what motivated this strange desire because I don't have any memories of Mom learning fortune telling. I wonder if she just enjoyed the details of the process.
4. Once, my Dad did this amazing card trick. He spread the entire deck out on the couch and asked me to point to a card. No matter what card I pointed to, he always knew what it was. I still have zero clue as to how he pulled this off.
5. In college, I spent a good portion of my freshman year playing "Durak," a Russian card game with my guy friends. We'd get a little buzzed and sit around, playing it for hours. I want that entire group back together again, with a new deck of cards and a pack of beer.
1.25.2009
the list of my New Year's "resolutions"
I am a terrific procrastinator. So, what better day to write out My New Year's Resolutions than January 25th, 2009?
For the record, I am not that big of a believer in New Year's resolutions. Part of it may have to do with the fact that only recently, I have made progress on my resolution from 2007. Back then, I wanted to spend the year getting rid of my clutter and simplifying my life. So, in the summer of 2009, I finally got around to starting that.
This year is going to be all about short, sweet, silly goals and resolutions.
1. Read More Books For Fun
During my four months of unemployment this past year, I lived with my Mom. I stayed up until 6 am more often than I want to admit, woke up at midday all the time, and I also read a lot. I probably read more books for the pure enjoyment of reading in those four months than I have in the entire year (or maybe more) prior to being a recent unemployed college grad. I would often read things I liked in class, but it was rare that I could finish a book just on my own, outside of school work. When I was little, I could be so involved in a book that I would forget to turn the lights on when the sunlight disappeared in my room. I just read into the twilight. I need to get that back.
2. Wear Mascara Often
I just don't want to be terrified of makeup anymore.
3. Wear Skirts With Flats Or Awesome Boots
I need to break the jeans and t-shirts cycle.
4. Try to Get 8 Hours of Sleep
Sleeping keeps you healthy and young! Or so I hear.
5. Keep Adult Life Fun
Because I am terrified of waking up in five years and realizing that my life is dull.
For the record, I am not that big of a believer in New Year's resolutions. Part of it may have to do with the fact that only recently, I have made progress on my resolution from 2007. Back then, I wanted to spend the year getting rid of my clutter and simplifying my life. So, in the summer of 2009, I finally got around to starting that.
This year is going to be all about short, sweet, silly goals and resolutions.
1. Read More Books For Fun
During my four months of unemployment this past year, I lived with my Mom. I stayed up until 6 am more often than I want to admit, woke up at midday all the time, and I also read a lot. I probably read more books for the pure enjoyment of reading in those four months than I have in the entire year (or maybe more) prior to being a recent unemployed college grad. I would often read things I liked in class, but it was rare that I could finish a book just on my own, outside of school work. When I was little, I could be so involved in a book that I would forget to turn the lights on when the sunlight disappeared in my room. I just read into the twilight. I need to get that back.
2. Wear Mascara Often
I just don't want to be terrified of makeup anymore.
3. Wear Skirts With Flats Or Awesome Boots
I need to break the jeans and t-shirts cycle.
4. Try to Get 8 Hours of Sleep
Sleeping keeps you healthy and young! Or so I hear.
5. Keep Adult Life Fun
Because I am terrified of waking up in five years and realizing that my life is dull.
9.16.2008
the contents of my heart.
I heated up soy milk for my sister tonight and mixed in Cheerios afterward. Then, I helped her eat the snack before she went to sleep. As we sat together on her bed, me spooning the Cheerios to her, she predicted that she would have bad dreams. And these bad dreams will wake her up in the middle of the night.
"Well, you can just make good dreams," I said.
"How?" she asked me.
For a second there, I thought, "Oh, damn." I thought that maybe I told a child one of those stories that sound sweet and comforting but can't be really proved in any way. Until I realized that I create good dreams for myself often, so I shared the secret with my little sister.
"Ok," I said. "All you have to do is think about things you really like, right before you fall asleep. Like...puppies or kitties or princesses. And then you'll dream about them."
My four-year-old sister looked thoughtful for a second, and then placed her little hand on my Mom, who was lying next to us, talking on the phone. I wondered if maybe little kids are just like adults. Maybe when my sister goes to sleep, she'll close her eyes and imagine Mommy and Daddy instead of puppies and kitties. Maybe I underestimated the desires of her imagination. Because usually when I make myself dream, I will my mind to create a fantasy with people I love or desire. People I want to hug and kiss and talk to. My imagination creates a dream of a reality that I can't have.
As I walked out of her room, I felt a little sad because I thought how wonderful it would be if we could construct our life as easily as our dreams.
"Well, you can just make good dreams," I said.
"How?" she asked me.
For a second there, I thought, "Oh, damn." I thought that maybe I told a child one of those stories that sound sweet and comforting but can't be really proved in any way. Until I realized that I create good dreams for myself often, so I shared the secret with my little sister.
"Ok," I said. "All you have to do is think about things you really like, right before you fall asleep. Like...puppies or kitties or princesses. And then you'll dream about them."
My four-year-old sister looked thoughtful for a second, and then placed her little hand on my Mom, who was lying next to us, talking on the phone. I wondered if maybe little kids are just like adults. Maybe when my sister goes to sleep, she'll close her eyes and imagine Mommy and Daddy instead of puppies and kitties. Maybe I underestimated the desires of her imagination. Because usually when I make myself dream, I will my mind to create a fantasy with people I love or desire. People I want to hug and kiss and talk to. My imagination creates a dream of a reality that I can't have.
As I walked out of her room, I felt a little sad because I thought how wonderful it would be if we could construct our life as easily as our dreams.
9.14.2008
a story from long ago.
I was talking to Walker online, and he told me that he missed my writing in livejournal. We talked about how now that we're older, we are capable of writing more complex, emotional entries. I started my livejournal about five years ago, and I changed a lot since then. Walker then logged off temporarily, and I kept sitting aimlessly at the desk at my job when a man came up to me.
"Can you help me?" he asked. "I need to write something, but I don't know how."
He spoke English with an accent. He gave me a piece of paper and a pen.
"I want you to write: 'Stay with him. Leave me alone,'" he said.
I asked him if he spoke Spanish, and he said that he did. Yet, the letter has to be in English, he explained. It was for his girlfriend.
And I wrote, "Thank you for everything. Stay with him. Leave me alone."
I kept weakly smiling as I wrote, unsure of what to say.
When he left, I felt that I should try writing again.
"Can you help me?" he asked. "I need to write something, but I don't know how."
He spoke English with an accent. He gave me a piece of paper and a pen.
"I want you to write: 'Stay with him. Leave me alone,'" he said.
I asked him if he spoke Spanish, and he said that he did. Yet, the letter has to be in English, he explained. It was for his girlfriend.
And I wrote, "Thank you for everything. Stay with him. Leave me alone."
I kept weakly smiling as I wrote, unsure of what to say.
When he left, I felt that I should try writing again.
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